A MODERN TRAGEDY

ROBBIE MOFFAT

DRAMA PERSONAE

MADAM T - The Protector

MISTER TELL - The Witness

BLACKFACE - Lord Justice

QUINCY - Privy Counsellor

MURPHY - A Clergyman

BONN - 1st European General

PARIS - 2nd European General

COMRADE NORTH - A Patriot

SISTER BROWN - An Expatriate

and

JOE - Madam T's Manservant

FLO - Madam T's Maidservant

OTHERS

The Cardinal

The Jailer

A Man of the People's Council

Another of the People's Council

Attendants

Officials

ACT I The Prosecuting Chamber

SCENE ONE

[ENTER JOE WITH FLO WITH A MOP RIDING PIGGYBACK. THEY ARE SINGING]

BOTH: (Tune of Robin Hood)

Goody Snatch, Goody Snatch!

Leaping on our backs ...

Goody Snatch, Goody Snatch!

Sharpening up her axe.

With her hacking sackkkkk!

Heads instead of taxxxx!

With one Act!

With a whack!

Tax or axe!

JOE: I don't know what we've got to be so happy about.

FLO: If we can't be happy, what's the point. That to all of them!

[STICKS FINGERS UP JOE'S BACKSIDE]

JOE: You're a crude woman.

FLO: You love it.

JOE: Do I?

FLO: Course you do, petal.

[JOE SQUEEZES FLO'S BREASTS]

JOE: You like that then?

FLO: I've had better ..... Try again.

[JOE DOES IT AGAIN]

JOE: There's hardly anything there.

FLO: You want me to take them out and show you? They're lovely they are.

JOE: I can't wait. Give us a kiss.

FLO: A kiss? Are you romantic or something?

JOE: It makes me feel good, sort of makes me tingle all over like it was the first time.

FLO: You darling [KISSES HIM ON THE CHEEK]

JOE: Do it again. Go on .....

FLO: Close your eyes then, sweetheart.

[JOE CLOSES HIS EYES AND MO STICKS THE MOP IN HIS FACE]

JOE: Ahhhh! You miserable red-kneed slop woman! That was horrible!

FLO: Kiss of the mop moll. It was dead funny ...... Aw, look at you now, all pooty faced and hurt. Come on, sweetie, let your pal Flo make it up to you.

[SHE PUTS HER ARMS AROUND HIM]

Still want to see me boobs? Not any man gets to see me best. I'm told I taste lovely.

JOE: [GASPING] I can't breath .....

FLO: You're intoxicated with me. I can tell. Your heart's doing a hundred and eighty.

JOE: Let go ...... Flo, you're squeezing me to death.

FLO: [LETTING GO] Eee, I thought you were a real man?

JOE: I am .... but that was like having me bollocks in a vice.

FLO: That's crude! I'm going all red. I can feel me cheeks blushing hot I'm that embarrassed.

JOE: Never on your life. You?

FLO: I like to be treated like a lady. I go to the theatre.

JOE: Pantomime more like.

FLO: I've seen the 'Taming of the Shrew'.

JOE: An I've seen 'What the Butler Saw'.

[GRABS FLO BY THE BUTTOCKS]

FLO: You naughty boy, Petruchio. [STROKES HIM]

Now, then, fetch me my bucket.

JOE: Yes, mam, right away.

FLO: There's a good boy. I have to mop this floor before their lordships arrive.

JOE: [WITH BUCKET] There we are. I'll just move a few things out the way, get the place ready.

[FLO MOPS WHILE JOE ARRANGES THE ROOM. HE LIGHTS SOME CANDLES]

There we are. Now we can see what we're doing.

FLO: Eee, it's all Dracula like. What do they use this room for, Joe?

JOE: Meetings .... What you call her herself comes in here. And it being so close to the Tower and all. Sometimes I seen a hundred people come in here and not one comes out. It's eerie. Haven't you noticed how it's got a funny smell, like it's haunted or some'it.

FLO: Do you hear the screaming in the night?

JOE: I don't listen no more. I got one of those personal stereos I put on when it gets bad. I don't like to think about it. Got nothing to do with me. Are you near finished, darling.

FLO: There. Done! Eee, the water's a funny colour.

JOE: Reddish?

FLO: Eee, you're right ....

JOE: Here, I'll carry that [LIFTS BUCKET]

FLO: This place gives me the creeps ....

JOE: Forget it. My chambers for coffee then?

FLO: [SUGGESTIVE] Just a quick one?

[THEY LAUGH]

[EXIT JOE PIGGYBACKING FLO]

SCENE TWO

[LORD BLACKFACE, MADAM T AND MISTER TELL]

LORD: Next case.

MDM T: My Lord ......

Bring in the traitor!

[THE SOUND OF CHAINS. THE ACCUSED IS HOODED AND IS LED IN BY A JAILER]

LORD: Is this the man?

TELL: It is, my Lord!

LORD: And you are the chief witness?

MDM T: He is! He will speak on behalf of the people ... for the people ... in order that the people will know the truth.

LORD: Indeed ... we are here to serve the people.

MDM T: The people are innocent .....

LORD: Innocence may too soon turn to guilt.

What is the guilty man's name?

TELL: It is unimportant, my Lord.

MDM T: A man of subversion and subterfuge ......

LORD: [KNOWINGLY] Indeed ....!

TELL: A devil!!

MDM T: A man of black darkness and blindness ....

LORD: [HINT OF FEAR] Perhaps we should have more light. It is difficult to discern the face of the accused.

MDM T: It is not necessary, my Lord .... This man born into dawn shall soon return into night.

TELL: I have seen him in dark corners conspiring with devils.

MDM T: The enemy of the people ....

LORD: [SUGGESTIVELY] And we are here to serve the people ...

MDM T: To uphold virtue and truth ..... Too many men hide behind the morals of our common law.

TELL: Aye! It is the common man who suffers.

LORD: Enough! Let us begin.

We shall have these proceedings recorded. The people must know the facts.

Madam ... you are the prosecutor for the State.

Proceed.

MDM T: [SOFT TONE] My Lord ... I have only one witness, and under our present enlightenment this will suffice to satisfy the law.

Mister Tell ... is an honest citizen. He is a husband and father, a compassionate volunteer whose services are undervalued by the people. He is a man of moral fastidiousness and religious aptitude. He is well known for his charitable spirit.

He is the custodian of the Cathedral.

LORD: This is a respectable public position .... Does he know my brother .... the Cardinal?

TELL: I do, my Lord ...... No higher placed man now treads the path of righteousness than our spiritual grace ....

LORD: He is a benevolent man ...

MDM T: He may be said to be the opposite of the accused .... Is that not so, Mister Tell?

TELL: The Lord Cardinal is the sunshine that illuminates the cathedral.

MDM T: And the accused ....?

TELL: He is the dark shadow that flirts in the crypts. Sometimes I have seen him ... in the black eye of a rat ... in the dull lens of a spider.

MDM T: He is a villain ....?

TELL: A murderer of laughter ... A perverter of innocence ..!

MDM T: What more?

TELL: He is a thousand things that memory can never recall. He is a diseased fish! A rabid dog!

MDM T: And yet ....

TELL: He is more than all these ..... He is Satan! A king of Babel! A false witness to all men!

LORD: [INTERUPTING] How so??

MDM T: My Lord ... these are facts!

LORD: Perhaps ........ but I fear we need more light.

MDM T: Not yet, my Lord ..... there is time. Our witness is a good man .... We need not illuminate his testimony.

LORD: This may be so .... but the shades of evidence are dimly sketched.

MDM T: Yes, my Lord ... but it is in the interest of the people to throw light only where there is need. The Cardinal is the sunshine in the Cathedral ... but the verger is the candlelight.

LORD: Very well .... proceed!

MDM T: When did you first perceive these crimes of false witness?

TELL: When I was a child. My own salvation came early. I was taught to see ... and be seen. I was taught to guide not lead.

MDM T: And all for the benefit of the people ... not yourself?

TELL: Why yes .... Christ came to me ... then I knew that my vocation was to serve my fellow beings.

MDM T: And here we are .....?

TELL: Yes ... I am here to do my duty ... see justice carried ... and the unjust punished.

MDM T: And for no personal gain ....?

TELL: None.

MDM T: As you can see, my Lord ... my witness is wholly just. He is a man of God. Whatever he says ... we must believe.

LORD: [THOUGHTFUL] Continue, Madam ....

MDM T: Mister Tell .... you have been brought here to this judgement chamber in order that you may let us know of this man who .... one day, as if from the depths of darkness sprung .... cast his shadow upon the walls of our most glorious temple.

TELL: Aye ...

MDM T: Can you be more candescent ...

TELL: Madam ... I cannot!

Not while this man is present.

MDM T: Lord .... may we have the accused removed.

LORD: You beg my indulgence, Madam .... It is not customary that a man is removed from the proceedings of his own trial.

TELL: Then I cannot give witness.

MDM T: My Lord. Our loyal servant is under undue stress. He is a man of weak heart. His health has been ailing.

TELL: 'Tis the work beneath the stairs ... the blackness.

MDM T: My witness is a good man. We must respect his wishes. I have a letter from the Cardinal that speaks with undying frankness of the verger's frailty.

LORD: Proceed ....

MDM T: [READS] Mister Tell ... our most treasured servant ... is unsurpassed in godliness. Yet ... God in his infinite ways ... while making Mister Tell strong of will ... has also made him weak in words. He is a man of silent and secret confession. It is a mighty cross that our verger carries ... and we all must make his burden lighter. Like our lord Jesus ... Mister Tell is on his way to Calvary for us all.

Here is the letter.

[JAILER TAKES LETTER TO LORD]

LORD: Is this my brother's handwriting ..? I cannot read in this light ....

MDM T: The letter is further evidence, my Lord. Mister Tell ... normally a silent man ... is here to let us know the truth.

LORD: Then you are willing to disclose all, Mister Tell?

TELL: For your ears alone, my Lord.

LORD: Very well ... have the accused removed.

[THE ACCUSED IS REMOVED]

Do not take him far from here ... we will need him soon.

[THE SOUND OF ACCUSED BEING REMOVED FADES]

Madam, before we proceed I must ask .... in the interest of the accused .... that you do not lead the witness to your own ends.

MDM T: My Lord ... this would be unethical.

LORD: Rightly, Madam ..... for you know that I must be seen to function as arbitrator. I have no wish to hang a man too quickly. It is in the interest of the State to hear the whole case before sentence is pronounced.

MDM T: This is so, my Lord ... but in these changing times, justice moves too slowly. Already we have heard enough to dissemble the facts and move towards a verdict.

I call for a judgement.

LORD: Not yet, Madam ....

MDM T: Very well, my Lord.

Mister Tell .... we know the truth ... we have been in conference many times in preparation for this moment.

TELL: We have, Madam T.

MDM T: I put it to you ... do you think the accused guilty?

TELL: Most certainly.

MDM T: And as a Christian ... do you think he is beyond salvation?

TELL: I feel that he is closed to redemption.

MDM T: My Lord ... already a pattern is emerging. The accused is a man of unchristian view ....

TELL: His soul is dammed.

MDM T: We have heard of Faustus. Need we wait for him to conjure up Mephistopheles?

LORD: Madam T!

MDM T: I speak the facts!

LORD: Already this trial is well advanced ... but in the name of justice ... what is the charge against the accused?

MDM T: He was arrested.

LORD: And his crime?

MDM T: To be arrested is enough. We live in an age of anarchy and subversion. Our law enforcers are brave, courageous individuals who take and undergo extreme abuse from law breakers.

I think you know the laws better than I, my lord?

LORD: I sanction the laws ... I do not make them.

There are many laws that need amending.

MDM T: No amendment is strong enough to combat these hostile times. Law and order must be enforced if we are to maintain our freedom.

TELL: I am at one with Madam T.

LORD: [SARCASTICALLY] Are you educated in the law, Mister Tell?

TELL: I am a servant of the people, my Lord.

LORD: And does this service qualify you to make sound judgement on the law?

TELL: No, my Lord ... I feel out of place.

I am a man of cloth ... not iron.

MDM T: But a man well tailored to the needs of the people. Is this not so, Mister Tell?

LORD: [INTERUPTING] This may be so, but .....

MDM T: [CUTTING HIM SHORT] My Lord .... Mister Tell and I are servants of the Commonwealth ... and you, so to speak, the compiler of the nation's will ..... We are in this together.

LORD: I am above the law ....

MDM T: There is no one man in our State who is deemed mightier than another. We are against such an occurrence, are we not?

TELL: Aye, Madam T.

LORD: The implication of this nauseates me.

MDM T: For the people, my Lord. We are elected to obey and oblige.

LORD: Then kindly continue these proceedings.

TELL: I am ready, Madam T.

MDM T: Ever the servant of out will, Mister Tell.

Come, our learned friend seeks the truth. As a man of God, let us hear the bare facts.

How often do you pray?

TELL: Three times a day, Madam T.

MDM T: And during these meditations ... do not strange notions ... nay, strange vexations ... torment your honest spirit?

TELL: They do, Madam T.

MDM T: And was it not on one of these dark journeys to some unknown sphere ....

TELL: It was ....

MDM T: .... that it was discovered ....

TELL: Aye ...

MDM T: .... and did you not then report it to my office ...

TELL: This you know, Madam T.

LORD: Can we ascertain that you reported directly to the prosecutor?

TELL: Indirectly, my Lord.

MDM T: Our State is such that all crimes are reported to my office.

LORD: It surprises me. This is an unwell power.

MDM T: I give it shape, my Lord .... in the name of the people. It is my duty. We live in vile times ... there is no man safe from damnation. I have these last years dealt with many crass offenders plotting to disrupt the State. These wets appear to give, but they take. They seek our mercy once their ploys have been uncovered.

The accused is one such man.

LORD: I heard no cry of mercy from the accused.

MDM T: Then it is well, my Lord, that we do not let him speak ... for such a flood of vile drivellings will emerge from him to engulf and disgust our intellect. It is a better man that dies in silence.

TELL: 'T would falsely buoy his life ....

MDM T: Undeservedly ....

TELL: For this man's soul has sunk!

MDM T: The worst is over .... only the deed remains undone.

LORD: Madam .... I am not swayed.

MDM T: My Lord, we have no time to spare ... others wait. The corridors are full of miscreants.

LORD: Where is our compassion, Madam?

TELL: I am better suited to answer such questions ....

MDM T: The truth! We have from this man ... the loyal vassal of our lord the Cardinal ... the evidence.

TELL: Aye, my Lord.

LORD: Then let us proceed.

We need cast more light on these investigations.

MDM T: It is not necessary, my Lord. We have heard enough. Each of us in our position of office has seen a thousand ... a hundred thousand faces pass before us. One more is neither here nor there.

We must preserve the State!

TELL: Aye, it is our duty.

MDM T: In duty, we speak for the people.

The people are innocent.

TELL: Our man is guilty.

LORD: [EXASPERATED] But where is your evidence? Accusations must be made from concrete ... not vague suppositions.

MDM T: Then let us suppose that our man ... the accused ... the subverter of the State ... is allowed the liberty of free speech before us here. On the evidence of our witness Mister Tell who ... sworn to God and Christ ... honours law and country above all else ... this man is a twisted malcontent who thrives on undermine and plot.

TELL: It is so, my Lord.

MDM T: We have ne'er begun to tell this tale, my Lord. While we sit within these soft celled chambers, whispers ... words that have no syllables, yet which carry meaning far beyond our greatest poets ... whispers bear orders.

Yet, all that we hear is a deadly silence.

Are you listening, my Lord.

LORD: I hear my heart, Madam.

MDM T: My Lord .... we are here to use our minds. Our emotions must be set aside. We are faced with non-conformists .... their silence must be answered with action.

TELL: The army, my Lord.

LORD: Madam! Please restrain your witness from such outbursts.

If not ... his evidence will be dismissed.

MDM T: [SOFTLY] Mister Tell .... I beg we are of the same temperament in all things. I may have questions to ask you before our righted symbol of Statehood sees the moral in our forethought and insight.

LORD: How's this, Madam?

I begin to hear the whispers she has spoken of.

MDM T: Then it is true is it not, Mister Tell?

TELL: Aye, Madam!

MDM T: ... that on the night of the arrest ... you were present.

TELL: Aye, Madam.

MDM T: ... and therefore ... your prior knowledge of fore events summated your earlier suspicion.

LORD: Suspicion! What is this suspicion?

I do not like the echoes that I hear.

MDM T: It has been ratified in law, my Lord. There is nothing you or I alone can change without countermanding the will of the people.

TELL: They are for it, my Lord.

[FROM A NEARBY CHAMBER, A TORTURED DEATH SCREAM. PAUSE. THE JAILER ENTERS THE CHAMBER]

MDM T: Lord Blackface .... let us halt for a moment.

Let us erase the record and begin again.

[THE JAILER IS WHISPERING IN TELL'S EAR]

Are we agreed, Mister Tell?

TELL: Aye, Madam. It now seems the natural course.

LORD: There can be no retractions .....

MDM T: My Lord ... if you'll please patience my suggestion ...

LORD: Madam!

MADAM: [ADAMANTLY] My Lord! In the name of the people I command you to be silent. It should be no ail to you to omit from the record some chance remarks that have no bearing on this trial. We represent the nation in all its functions. We pass the laws that gain the love of our compatriots, not ourselves. Through our spies ... for we are being spied upon ... we have learned new truths and gathered many secrets.

TELL: It is astounding, my Lord.

MDM T: Will you inform us, my friend.

TELL: It is the Cathedral ....

MDM T: Yes, Mister Tell ....?

TELL: It is rotten.

MDM T: To the foundations .....?

TELL: And beyond, Madam T!

LORD: What nonsense is this!

MDM T: From apse to crypt .... the expense will be too great to balance repair.

TELL: There is talk of clearance.

MDM T: We tell you this in confidence, Lord Blackface .... the matter is relevant to State security.

We must preserve the State.

I request that all the proceedings up to the point of ... this divulgence ... be struck from the record.

TELL: She is in the right, my Lord.

LORD: [SARCASTICALLY] Ever loyal witness Mister Tell. I can see the excellence of my brother's choice of custodian for the Cathedral.

MDM T: We are agreed then? In the name of security.

LORD: I must comply if it is in the name of ... security.

MDM T: For the security of the people, my lord.

If the people are not protected .....

TELL: .... then let the Cardinal protect us!

MDM T: [EMPHATICALLY] We are the people.

Are you with us, my Lord?

LORD: Strike the record!

[PAUSE]

Does the prosecution wish to present its case again?

MDM T: It has presented all its evidence, my Lord. We press for sentence.

You may leave us now, Mister Tell.

LORD: Then there is to be no cross-examination for the defence?

MDM T: It is not necessary, my Lord.

LORD: Is this part of new legislation that I am unaware of?

Has it been ratified, Madam?

MDM T: We are in the process of State reform, my Lord. New laws are being passed daily. The changes are too fast to know anything for certain. Following these things is part hobby of Mister Tell.

[TELL HAS MOVED OFF A LITTLE WAY. EXIT JAILER]

TELL: This is my fetish ... my love, my Lord.

LORD: You are a very important man, Mister Tell! I wonder if my brother knows the value of your services.

TELL: I am well rewarded, my lord. I lack nothing which I do not already possess.

MDM T: Tell us then, my good friend. Is it in the interest of the people to be cross-examined?

TELL: My Lord ... I am a plain man. I grind no axes and thus never have to bury hatchets. As a man of God ... I speak God's word.

LORD: You are the people's prophet, Mister Tell ...?

MDM T: He is the voice of the people.

Speak, Mister Tell.

TELL: A man's word should be gospel.

I have been asked the facts and I have stated them.

LORD: And God has given you these facts ... and not the people?

MDM T: My Lord ... God is within us all ... and is us all.

We cannot be divided.

TELL: I am with you, Madam T. To cross-examine ourselves is to lacerate a wound already bleeding.

MDM T: We are here to heal the nation's ails.

My lord, let us press for sentence.

LORD: Madam. We must have the accused's own testimony before we can draw to a close.

MDM T: But my Lord .....

LORD: I will not be swayed.

Fetch the accused!

MDM T: Very well.

Perhaps it is permissible that a man should hear first hand the words of sentence that return him to ashes.

TELL: 'Tis grim pleasure, my Lord.

[THE JAILER DRAGS IN THE ACCUSED]

Madam!! What is the meaning of this!!!!

MADAM: Do not be alarmed, my Lord .... it is standard procedure.

LORD: The man is dead!!

MDM T: He is obviously unable to conduct his own defence, my Lord.

[THE JAILER AGAIN WHISPERS IN TELL'S EAR]

TELL: There has been a confession.

MDM T: Mister Tell. You seem to know the accused's mind. Will you represent the poor devil?

TELL: It is my duty, Madam.

MDM T: We are ready, my Lord. Time is of the essence. We can now guarantee a speedy trial.

Mister Tell ... you have heard the testimony of the prosecution .... what say you for defence?

TELL: My client has confessed his guilt by taking his own life.

LORD: How know you this, Mister Tell? You have all these last twenty minutes been in our cloistered company.

MDM T: We three are above all suspicion, my Lord. We have a written record of our words and deeds these last important minutes.

LORD: Madam ... you ordered these words struck.

MDM T: We will have them rewritten, my Lord.

TELL: Suicide is another charge we may add to my client's crimes.

MDM T: The man is happier dead.

LORD: This may be ... but how do we resolve this matter legally.

We will be questioned.

MDM T: My Lord ... we are the ones who ask the questions.

TELL: 'Tis the people who answer.

LORD: We are the people!

MDM T: So it is believed. But we are also God.

TELL: I will vouch for that.

MDM T: God is above all reproof. Likewise, our decisions are equally infallible.

LORD: I have not yet sided for the prosecution, Madam.

MDM T: What more evidence is needed?

LORD: The accused's name.

MDM T: It is immaterial. He is dead. It is best for family reasons that he is buried in an unmarked grave.

TELL: I know a place in the Cathedral ....

LORD: What are you suggesting ....!

MDM T: He was an important man ...

LORD: To whom?

MDM T: To the people, my Lord.

He was your brother ....

TELL: .... the Cardinal.

LORD: [SPEECHLESS] You have dared ........

MADAM: We had no choice, my dear Lord Justice.

TELL: He was guilty of all things.

MDM T: Mister Tell will take over the Cardinal's duties.

LORD: [SHOCKED] In name ....

MDM T: In authority.

What say you, Cardinal?

TELL: I am pleased, Madam. I feel the need to absolve my predecessors excesses.

MDM T: Noble sentiment ....

Have the old Cardinal removed to the Cathedral!

[SOUNDS OF THE DEAD BODY BEING DRAGGED OFF]

LORD: You will not succeed in this ......

MDM T: My Lord. I have already done so.

Is this not the case, my friend?

TELL: The case is at a close.

LORD: [DESPERATE] I order you both arrested!!

MDM T: It is too late, my Lord Justice. We have already signed the writ for your indictment.

I hear them coming for you now.

LORD: More of your minions ......

MDM T: I am the servant of the people. I am served by no-one. 'Tis only my orders that need be obeyed.

You are agreed?

TELL: Aye, Madam.

MDM T: You are no longer at one with us, my Lord.

I am sorry. Certain things have come to light.

TELL: Serious irregularities.

MDM T: Our spies have been watching you.

We know of your adulteries.

TELL: Your brother confessed. There was to be no murder in the Cathedral.

He had his way.

MDM T: Now, my Lord ... you will be removed in preparation for your trial.

TELL: We have our magistrates waiting to talk with you.

LORD: Who is of authority to judge me?

MDM T: Why ... my Lord ... the people!

TELL: And God ....

MDM T: We have full authority.

When we are silent ... the State listens to our every breath. When our thunder roars ... the people humble themselves before God.

LORD: And what of our monarch?

MADAM: Alas .. no more. Royalty has fled the country ... or gone to dust.

TELL: We are supreme.

MDM T: Let us not proceed too zealous, Tell.

Have our Lord made hooded and taken from here.

We have many old friends to see before the day is out.

LORD: We live in night ...!

TELL: Have the accused removed!

[LORD IS DRAGGED OUT BY THE JAILER]

Madam, for the record, I am asked his punishment?

MDM T: Death.

TELL: His crime?

MDM T: He was arrested.

TELL: [ZEALOUSLY] Then we are ready for the next enemy of State to appear before us?

MDM T: We are.

TELL: His name?

MDM T: It is not important.

You are here, Mister Tell.

Arrest this man!

He has murdered the Cardinal and buried his body in the Cathedral.

[END OF ACT ONE]

ACT II The Protected Chamber

SCENE ONE

[ENTER JOE WITH A TRAY OF WINE AND FLO WITH A FEATHER DUSTER. THEY COMMENCE TO REARRANGE THE FURNISHINGS]

JOE: Some wine, luv?

FLO: Eee, I better not. Give us a cuddle instead.

JOE: You saying no? You feeling queer?

FLO: I didn't tell you did I? [RUBS HER STOMACH]

JOE: We got two already. Aw, what the hell. Let's have a drink.

[JOE SWIGS FROM A BOTTLE AND HANDS IT TO FLO]

FLO: It's the quick ones that does it.

JOE: Eh? How's that?

FLO: You know. The ones you're in and out when I'm half asleep. Don't feel bad, flower, you're a man. It's what men are supposed to do. Have their way and be snoring before us women be aroused. Can't expect you to be a young buck forever, dipping it and dipping it. [STICKS HER FINGER IN THE BOTTLE, THEN LICKS IT] Us women'd rather have a man put his arms round us and squeeze us tight until the breath is out of us than ..... than doing it. There's nothing like a cuddle.

[GIVES HIM THE BOTTLE]

Hold me.

JOE: How can I hold you with a bottle in me hand.

FLO: [ANNOYED] You're getting like her.

JOE: I'll never be that bad. Anyway, what's a few sups of wine. It makes me all lovey-dovey don't it?

FLO: Sometimes.

JOE: We'll make it up. Let's do it on her table like we used to at the old place.

FLO: Now?

JOE: The thought of her sitting there signing state documents and stuff. It turns me on something rotten.

FLO: What if she comes in?

JOE: She won't. She's gone to put flowers on her hubby's grave. Come on, sweetheart.

FLO: We'll get sacked.

JOE: Never bothered you before? Come on. Here have some more of this.

[GIVES HER THE BOTTLE]

FLO: Just a quick one.

JOE: [LAUGHS] It's just like old times.

[THEY DO IT OVER THE TABLE]

FLO: Don't stop ......

JOE: I'm done.

FLO: What ...?

JOE: I was scared she'd come .....

FLO: What about me?

JOE: I was thinking about you.

FLO: How could you think about me and think about her at the same time! Get off me. Get off!

JOE: [POUTING] Flo .....

FLO: Sssshhh! There's someone coming!

[THEY RUSH ABOUT THEIR DUTIES FEVERISHLY, SETTING THE ROOM AS NECESSARY. ENTER MURPHY]

He's gone.

JOE: Who was it? Quincy?

FLO: No. I've never seen him before.

JOE: There's new faces everyday. At least in this place the stains on the floor are wine.

FLO: [PICKING UP PAPER FROM TABLE] Who are Charles .....

JOE: [ACTING QUICKLY] Put that down! Do you want to lose your head!

FLO: It's only a piece of paper.

JOE: And this is only a feather duster.

[JOE THRUSTS THE DUSTER INTO HER HAND. SHE TICKLES HIM WITH IT]

FLO: I like you. You protect me.

JOE: You're innocent.

FLO: [COYLY] Am I? Am I young and pretty too?

JOE: You're the most desirable woman in the world.

FLO: Well, thank you.

[SHE KISSES HIM. HE LIFTS HER OFF HER FEET AND TAKES HER IN HIS ARMS]

JOE: My god, you're putting on weight.

FLO: It's all these babies ..... I take it we're finished in here?

[THEY START TO EXIT]

Oh, my duster.

[JOE TRIES TO PICK UP THE DUSTER WITHOUT PUTTING FLO DOWN. HE SUCCEEDS]

FLO: [SINGS] Goody Snatch, Goody Snatch .....

[EXIT JOE CARRYING FLO]

SCENE TWO

[MADAM T IS ALONE. SHE IS MOROSE FROM DRINKING WINE. THE WEIGHT OF THE STATE IS HEAVILY UPON HER]

MDM T: Now that I have succeeded to complete power, I find that those once so willing to obey me, shirk me and cower. Were it not in my nature to treat dogs like necessary domestic pets, I would not have sent them chasing worthless bones. No, rather, I would have had them chained or kennelled and let them by their sniffing nature, hunt fleas for recreation. For it is in a mongrels nature to chase its own tail rather than run a fox to ground.

[ENTER QUINCY ATTENDED BY FLO]

But this is a black mood brought on by my wine tasting of French oak. I brood and barely entertain my own shadow.

[TO QUINCY] Turn up the light there!

Fetch me my drugs!

[QUINCY FLICKS A WRIST.EXIT FLO]

All my enemies are dead ... but where are my friends? Where is my family?

Curse them all! I foresaw the sacrifice that I was bound to offer in the service of the nation ... my people. [BITTERLY] My people! Those common cut-throat mercenaries who will stab you in the back with their greed and envy.

In the back, I say!

Why? Because in their hearts they believe that if I caught their leers - they'd be turned to stone! Those misguided worthless peasants! All that I have done for them. All that I have done.

[RE-ENTER FLO WITH MORE WINE]

What! What! Leave it over there. Now get out! No, wait! Quincy! Come here! Closer!

Do you find me attractive?

QUINCY: This light does not flatter you, madam.

MDM T: Is it the light, boy?

QUINCY: Certainly, mam. In the grey of dawn when you inspect the staff, you look most regal and gracious.

MDM T: And how do I look at noon?

QUINCY: Striking, mam.

MDM T: Striking? ....... You ....!

QUINCY: The cabinet waits, mam.

MDM T: Let them stew like gooseberries until their prickles burn. I'll have none of those whinging cats in here because they're hungry.

QUINCY: There's a crisis, mam.

MDM T: Every movement of the clock creates mayhem in the world. Stop the clocks and we will halt the nightmares.

Send them away!

[EXIT FLO]

QUINCY: I fear they won't go. Can't we allow a representative to speak their case.?

MDM T: We ...??

QUINCY: I daren't be familiar. You fail to know how much I worship you .... You mistress my feelings, you possess my loyalty. I am your underling, your jackass, the eater of your most tasteless scorn. I am with you. I am always at your beck and service like no other. I am your friend.

MDM T: Friends come like bad winters and linger painfully long. Friends descend with gloom and cold and come between all light and security. Such friendships are still-born and should be aborted as quickly as they are conceived. Take your friendship to a whore, you pimp. She'll take it all and flush it with her soil.

QUINCY: I have no need to rill my seed in a commoner's allotment.

MDM T: Then you'll shrivel and die without stock, you pathetic creature. Keep bending to your male concubines, for no man who rifles privy councillors, shall shoot himself to power.

QUINCY: I have a sense that women are your greatest fear, madam.

MDM T: Out of here, you vile Sodom. Send that cabal of jackals flying. Leave me to my piece of France.

[EXIT QUINCY]

There is no escape from the cackle of crows and the screeching of ravens. Like rooks they chase off the owls and nest together and wait to descend on some half-decayed rodent. Let them make their paunches from vermin. They have maggots for their trouble. Let them! They are too cowardly to chase other game. For the world is wide open to the slayer, the hunter armed to kill for profit. For if there is no profit to action, then no thought is worth acting upon.

[QUINCY RE-ENTERS]

I told you ... out! You toad! You .....

QUINCY: Madam ... the French have overtaken your decorum.

MDM T: Bring me more wine!

QUINCY: Madam. The Princes have been found.

MDM T: I said wine!

QUINCY: They have them outside.

MDM T: [COMING TO HER SENSES] The Princes??

QUINCY: Aye.

MDM T: The three wretched Princes?

[QUINCY NODS]

Those whore's sons?

QUINCY: Charles. Edward. Henry.

MDM T: You have them in chains?

QUINCY: Aye. Their wrists and ankles bleed.

MDM T: You have them here ... in these chambers?

QUINCY: Aye, madam, we have them here.

MDM T: Never was a lunchtime better spent. We have the last opposers to our policies in chains.

[SHE HAS QUINCY KISS HER HAND]

Prepare for their execution.

QUINCY: Is there to be no trial?

MDM T: For treason? Don't be a whimpering simpleton. These three are murderers. They've whipped up half the state into rebellion.

Ah, but now the clock leaps forward beyond Fate to Destiny. The future is assured.

QUINCY: Don't you wish to speak to them? To spit in their faces, Madam Protector?

MDM T: I am above all that.

No, there is no need to witness their begging testimonies. I am no priest willing to absolve their evils. I was once the Prosecutor, I am now the Protector. I wear black, and I command ..... Death!

QUINCY: Death it is then, mam? Not life imprisonment, banishment, amputation, blinding, castration ....?

MDM T: Hanging.

QUINCY: Drawn and quartered? Heads on the railings?

MDM T: Heads on the railings.

QUINCY: That'll not be well favoured around the state.

MDM T: I'll have an example made! Only then will I be able to govern with full effectiveness. It will be an increased burden on me, but I am the servant of the people. It is in their interests that I have to take such a heavy hand. Perhaps if certain factions saw fit to approve my methods of government, then there would be no need to find examples. Afterall, I have shed my role as Prosecutor in order to devote my entire ministry towards protecting the nation against those out to destroy it. I thought this would have been obvious from my new title .....

QUINCY: Madam Protector ..... I bring you back to the Princes.

MDM T: I hate them!

[MADAM T IS SHAKING]

QUINCY: Your hate is love, mam. You have given the royal bastards every chance to win the esteem of the people. And have they? How could they, great mother? Out of love for you, and all that you have done to make us once more great ... how could we trade our working machinery for the flash and colour of three who are like the promise of fireworks ... POOF! and they are spent.

Without you, mam, we would be helpless in the dark without a light. As children weep in the dark, so do the people. But when they cry out in fear of the dark, you, great mother, are there to lead them out of their nightmares.

How dark this country was until the vision came to you. You have been the fire around which the nation has gathered for want of warmth. The people clasp their hands to their breasts at the mention of your name. They shake and quiver when they see you on their screens. Their eyes well with tears when they read of you in their newspapers.

MDM T: You liar, Quincy! They hate me.

QUINCY: Madam, you are their idol. Your picture hangs in every public place. You are there on their walls in their meeting rooms, in their homes. They have smashed the royal images and thrown them on their compost heaps. Would a people who did not love their Protector do such things?

MDM T: What is love, man. Does a grovelling privy councillor have time for love. Be honest, Quincy, no politician worth a sniff of power would place value on such idolatry. No, it is not love, you fool, it is money. I have brought them prosperity. A false prosperity. I've stripped the state of its assets and sold it at a profit to the greedy members of the populace. They are buying back the assets that they have already paid for with their taxes.

And where has the money gone from this piece of business?

Its not hard to see that we, the select few, bask in opulence so that we might forget the slime and filth of the world we master. However hard we try, our fantasies and our pet schemes cannot spend the nation's wealth. I've had my whims ... handouts here and there to the starving ... but that is only a diversion to show my international friends my benevolence. We are rich, and were we not a nation threatened by beastly aggressors, we could buy up half the world. As it is I have the means to destroy it if I wish. How I wish .....

So what of this great wealth which I preside over. Well, in truth I've become a bit of a miser. Why spend good money when it can be put in the bank and made to earn interest. You see, Quincy, but taking from the people now, I am leaving something for the future.

QUINCY: Some say we have no future, mam, not with so many people idle and eating from handouts. The Piggies are saying that our paper-house businesses will not withstand the huffing and puffing of the raiding wolves.

MDM T: I'm tired of this conversation .....

QUINCY: Yes, mam.

MDM T: Get rid of the Princes, Quincy .... Once that is done, I will sleep.

[MADAM T RESTS]

QUINCY: [ASIDE] Fitful like a Queen to be .... hands red with kingly blood. This lady is not woman as I know her. She is some vile creation sent to speed us on to Armageddon.

Yet, I admire her. She has done what no man has done, she has destroyed the monarchy. And now in its place? What? Nothing .... or shall she now elect herself Empress? Is this the title that will next chap my lips? No more Madam T or Madam Protector.

'Yes, your majesty'.

It turns my bile and chokes my lungs. The air in here is poisoned. What have we done?

[EXIT QUINCY]

[MADAM T RISES]

MDM T: This wine is better than the last. Were my palate less disturbed by the public's distaste of my politics, I would trust my servants.

[A NOISE] What was that!

Now, not only do I imagine that I am being poisoned ... but I begin to think that in the shadows lurks some evil assassin.

Down with you, vile potion!

And again!

[DRINKS ANOTHER GLASS. STUMBLES]

[ENTER MURPHY OUT OF THE SHADOWS]

Damn this life! I've spent my middle-age ....

[MURPHY LIGHTS A CIGARETTE]

Who's that!

Get out, man! Can't you see I'm drunk!

MURPHY: Drunk with power and madness.

MDM T: Ha,ha ... at last! One who dares to speak!

Get out of here!

MURPHY: You shout no different from a brainless hag.

MDM T: The man's a wit. A fool, but brave.

MURPHY: Keep your flatteries for your leeches.

MDM T: Do I know you. What's your name? Come into the light.

[MURPHY COMES FORWARD. HE HAS A GUN IN HIS HAND]

MURPHY: I've come to kill you.

MDM T: You've come too late. I'm already dead.

Put that thing away.

MURPHY: I'll not be away from here until you lie in a pool of blood.

MDM T: How melodramatic. Take a seat. Have some wine.

MURPHY: I'll have none of my comrades' blood on my lips.

MDM T: You're obsessed with blood. There! Take a glass. Cold blooded murder is easier done with a quantity of alcohol in the brain.

Is this your first assassination?

MURPHY: You're a monster.

MDM T: You sound like a Presbyterian. Are you?

MURPHY: I'm an angel sent from heaven.

MDM T: Catholic are we? Have the wine and cross yourself before you press that trigger.

MURPHY: [FRIGHTENED] What was that?

MDM T: You fear the shadows more than I. It's the wind against the windows.

MURPHY: [JUMPS UP] I'll be done and away.

MDM T: But you haven't drunk your wine. Lets be civil. People must not be allowed to fade off this earth without some ceremony.

MURPHY: I've held ceremony enough in my parish.

MDM T: Ah, you are a clergyman.

MURPHY: God forgive me for what I'm about to do.

MDM T: Do it properly, man. Convince him that I'm in league with the devil and he'll not punish you.

MURPHY: It's a murderous sin I commit. I'll not do it in the name of the Lord.

MDM T: Then in whose name?

MURPHY: In the name of all those people you've had executed without reason. For all your torture and barbary!

MDM T: Name a name.

MURPHY: You'll have no names from me. Only God knows how many thousand you've done away with.

MDM T: But name one.

MURPHY: I do this for all of them.

MDM T: Name one!

MURPHY: The cardinal ... our religious leader.

MDM T: A traitor.

MURPHY: The Lord Justice ... our law giver.

MDM T: Another traitor.

MURPHY: The Monarch ... our sovereign head.

MDM T: An abominable traitor. We are better without them all. They had sold the country to ruin. The Cardinal was a homosexual ... the Lord Justice an adulterer ... the Monarch a whore with bastard issue.

MURPHY: They were our hereditary government.

MDM T: You don't believe the very thing you say. They were fops born with silver rattles and scurvied bottoms. You are not one of them. How can the death of such wasters be your cause?

MURPHY: Because death has not ended. It continues like some plague. It enters a house. A father, a son sentenced to execution. Then within the week, a mother, a daughter taken and slaughtered. And what has caused this sickness? No-one escapes the notice of the police. People are arrested for information. And how is it extracted? No-one knows what the arrested say, but their relatives wait for a knock on their door. Instead, their door is smashed and they are taken. And all this is done in the name of our Protector.

MDM T: It is as it should be. Law breakers must be punished. No man is above the law.

MURPHY: Nor woman! They hate you!

MDM T: How can good Christians hate? There is a silent majority of good and decent folk in our nation. We have their support. The nation thrives and prospers.

MURPHY: The only good and decent folk are dead or in exile. The rest of the nation lives in a sweat. They hide from their neighbours in fear of something being misconstrued as subversion. They hate your guts, but force themselves to talk well of your achievements. Productivity up. Home ownership up. Share prices up. But they never speak of life being better, because everyone knows that poverty is worse, health worse, employment worse.

[ENTER AND EXIT QUINCY]

No-one speaks of a future, and as it is treasonous to speak of the present, the past is the only safe haven. And now we read that the past is being re-written. What we knew of the past is no longer what we read in the books now being published. You have left us nothing, past, present, or future.

[ENTER QUINCY]

Now our only hope is for a world without repression and death, a time without the misery of dictatorship, a country without the cruelty and murder of a Madam T.

[QUINCY STABS MURPHY IN THE BACK. MURPHY DIES]

MDM T: The man was mad.

QUINCY: How'd he get in? How'd he get past the servants?

MDM T: This place is a warren of chambers. I cannot continue to govern from here.

QUINCY: They love you even more now that the Princes have been executed.

MDM T: Swiftly done! But don't bother to put their heads on the railings. Perhaps I've taken things too far.

QUINCY: Its too late. They have been cut-off and spiked on the bridge for the ravens.

MDM T: Have them taken down at once!

QUINCY: I can't. As soon as the mob saw the heads, they overthrew the guard and unspiked the heads themselves.

MDM T: Have them dispersed and the heads recovered.

QUINCY: Can't. The mob retreated en masse into the Underground.

MDM T: Blast! What have you done with the Princes' bodies?

QUINCY: We threw them into an unmarked grave behind the Cathedral like we usually do.

MDM T: Dig them up again! Burn them! We'll have no martyrs.

QUINCY: Very well. Will I send the army into the underground?

MDM T: No. Seal off all the exits and shoot anyone who comes out.

QUINCY: This is quite a mess.

MDM T: Shut up! Make arrangements for me to move to the bunker in the country. Where's the cabinet?

QUINCY: Still waiting outside to see you.

MDM T: Do away with them.

QUINCY: Send them away?

MDM T: Execute them!

QUINCY: The cabinet? For what reason?

MDM T: They ordered the Princes' deaths.

QUINCY: Did they?

MDM T: Make out the warrants, Quincy.

QUINCY: Yes, madam.

[DRAGGING DEAD MURPHY]

Anything else?

MDM T: Bring me some more wine. I'm not yet out of this black mood brought on by the tasting of France.

[END OF ACT TWO]

SCENE ONE

[ENTER JO SMOKING A PIPE AND FLO WEARING SPECTACLES. THEY ARE DRAGGING IN A MATTRESS. THEY SET THE MATTRESS ON THE BED. FLO FETCHES SOME SHEETS AND THEY START TO MAKE THE BED]

FLO: Eee, I don't know how many times she's peed the bed. The poor soul's losing control of herself.

JOE: Shut up, Florence.

FLO: I will not, Joseph Butler. We're the only people the poor woman's got. She's done nothing to us all these years.

JOE: And we've done nothing to her.

FLO: What's that supposed to mean?

JOE: Forget it.

FLO: I wish you wouldn't get angry with me. I've given you six kids and the best years of my ..... well, you know what.

JOE: That's not what you said last night.

FLO: I'm entitled to be fickle. I'm a woman. And anyway, now that I'm older, I want more consideration. Flowers, things like that. I don't want anymore of this sneaking in the back door when the front's all locked up.

JOE: I don't do that anymore.

FLO: I want to be seduced.

JOE: Okay.

[FLO FENDS HIM OFF]

JOE: Get on that bed. Go on.

[FLO CLIMBS ON THE BED, TAKES OFF HER SPECTACLES]

Loosen your clothing.

FLO: You're supposed to do that for me.

[JOE BEGINS TO LOOSEN HER CLOTHING]

Where's the music?

[JOE HUMS 'Goody Snatch']

No! I want Beethoven

[JOE HUMS - BEETHOVEN'S NINTH]

[SNAPS FINGERS] Wine please!

[JOE POURS SOME WINE IN A GLASS AND TAKES IT TO FLO]

[FLO SIPS IT. SHE SPITS IT OUT]

Baaa! That's the stuff Quincy gives her!

JOE: Sorry. Here, I'll get some more.

FLO: Remember when we moved here with her we thought that things would be boring because it was dead quiet. Well I quite like it. We don't have to worry about the rest of the world.

[JOE IS MASSAGING HER] That's nice.

No, we don't have to care about the rotten war going on and about starving and all that other rotten stuff.

[SLAP'S JOE'S HAND] Not yet!

When I was younger I used to dream of having me own house with a little garden, daffodils coming up in Spring, but I never thought it would happen. O aye, we have to live in this rotten dark bunker for the moment, but we've saved enough to have that house. We've got more than enough to buy a house with half an acre garden. We can have appletrees. I can just smell the blossom now. We can have plums and other sexy fruit. It makes me all tingly thinking about it. And you, darling, you can have a big shed at the bottom of the garden where you can do manly things, and I can come and visit you, and you can do manly things to me. Would you like that? Would you?

[JOE IS NOW ON THE BED WITH FLO. THEY ARE KISSING]

No, not here, flower, not on her bed. Please, it's wrong. It's ....... lovely.

[LIGHTS FADE, COME UP AGAIN]

What time is it?

JOE: Jesus Christ! She'll be back from communion any minute. Get dressed!

[JOE JUMPS UP AND BEGINS TO TIDY THE ROOM. FLO MAKES THE BED. SHE PUTS ON HER SPECTACLES]

FLO: It's so dim and dismal in here. She must be lonely.

JOE: It's been her choice. Come on, let's go.

FLO: Joe .... do you still love me? Even though I'm fat now?

JOE: Of course I do, dumpy-doo.

FLO: Will you give me a piggyback?

JOE: You know I've a bad back .....

FLO: Just this once .....

[JOE GIVES FLO A PIGGYBACK. EXIT WITH JOE SINGING 'Goody Snatch']

SCENE TWO

[MADAM T IS NOW IN HER BUNKER. SHE IS BEDRIDDEN AND ALONE]

[ENTER FLO AND JOE WITH PACKED BAGS]

MDM T: [COUGHING] If this is winter, then let the ravens descend. For the harvest is weeviled and of no use to us.

[EXIT FLO AND JOE]

They come to me as if I'm some great pharaoh in time of famine. Those whining whelps. They have brought this upon themselves.

I have served them well, but they have not served me. And now, look at me ... left here paralysed. Deserted. They have abandoned government and fled to save their own worthless lives. For a dozen years they said 'Yes, mam' and took their share, and now in this thirteenth year, they have taken their share and damned me.

And why? Man in his greedy nature looks after himself first and foremost. Through my years of government, this basic human flaw has given me power over my opponents. Each has had his price.......

......... I cannot say that I have not demanded loyalty, but loyalty is only maintained by the dispersing of gifts, the granting of privileges. Property, above all else, becomes the coinage of government. Give a man a castle, and he will feel himself a king. But a king may be vassal too ... and all the kings I crowned paid their tribute to me. I had them there!

[SNAPS FINGERS]

I watched each one fall as each in turn sought to overthrow me. Not one had the backing of the people. There were none in the provinces half worthy of contesting my government, and the people knew it. Even in the north where resentment to my policies was most deeply rooted, there were none to oppose me.

Fools!

They could see how I dispensed with political opposition, but they could never comprehend why the people returned me to power time and time again. And why did they? Because I appealed to the most basic of human vices .... greed. They'd couldn't get enough.

And now this .... decay of the flesh. Having Quincy executed would be the sweetest revenge yet. To leave me like this ... these cowards ... not one with the guts to stab me like a Cassius. Nothing so dramatic.

I've had my chances to flee, but I am guilty of nothing but service to my office. If I have broken the rules, then let me see a constitution, for I have done everything in accordance with existing law.

[ENTER BONN AND PARIS]

BONN: [ASIDE] There she is .......

MDM T: Who's there? Is that the wretch Quincy? I have a grave ready for him in the cathedral where he can lie with all my other former loyal servants.

PARIS: [ASIDE] Is this the same Madam T? Surely not? They have played a trick on us and left this corpse to fool us.

MDM T: Come forward, you maggot. Come look me in the eye and tell me that you have not poisoned me.

BONN: [ASIDE] It's hard to believe that there are no guards, no-one.

PARIS: It's a trick I tell you. They want us to think that it is her.

[THEY MOVE CLOSER]

MDM T: [SEES THEM] What? More uniforms? Are there no civilians left to serve me? I've not seen either face before.

Help me up!

Come on, you lackeys. Haven't you ever helped an old mother out of her bed?

[THEY KEEP THEIR DISTANCE]

[MADAM T RISES]

What's the matter with you? You don't know the bedsores I have from being in here three days. Urine burns like acid.

PARIS: [ASIDE] This is disgusting ....

MDM T: Pour me some wine.

BONN: I don't think that's a good ....

MDM T: You don't think for me, boy, just do it.

[BONN IGNORES HER]

[TO PARIS] What's your name?

PARIS: Paris ....

MDM T: And his?

PARIS: Bonn ....

MDM T: European names .... Your mother is from this country?

PARIS: No ....

MDM T: So my bodyguard consists of mercenaries now does it. Well, the Pope manages with his Swiss, and the kings of France once had Scots, so I suppose I am content to have Europeans. I would prefer imperial guards, they would be well drilled. Their conversation would be 'Yes, mam .... No, mam.' But not so with you, eh?

PARIS: No .....

MDM T: [TO BONN] So how goes the campaign?

BONN: It is over.

MDM T: And I have been re-elected? I am always re-elected, always. There is no-one else, see. Look at me. I am a mess and still the people re-elect me. My aide has been slowly poisoning me ... my drink ... it has left me in this state. I was beautiful once. My looks have gone, but I still have the will to live, the will to rule and do my best for the nation. As for the provinces, I do my best. There is an intrinsic flaw in the provincial temperament that makes those people deny themselves prosperity if they cannot all have it. They believe the cake should be shared equally. It's nonsense. There is not enough cake, and never shall be, and certainly why should the fellows with the cake give it away. Life is not a birthday party. It's not right that the wealthy should pay for the poor's enjoyment of cake. Everyone must work for what they get.

BONN: Just as Madam T has done ....

MDM T: Certainly .... that woman never had a free meal in her life.

Now, Paris, help me over to my desk, I have some papers to sign.

BONN: We also have something for you to sign.

MDM T: What was that? You'll have to speak louder, gentlemen. Ever since the shelling started, my ears have been ringing. Thank god it has stopped now.

Bonn, be a good chap and fetch me some more wine.

PARIS: [ASIDE] She's crazy ......

BONN: Humour her .... we want to get her out of here alive.

MDM T: In here I have a menu of computer files that list all the names of those known to oppose me. Bonn and Paris? [SHE LAUGHS] Have no fear gentlemen, at present I do not have access ... the lines are down..

Ah, here we are. The draft of my resignation speech.

PARIS: Resignation .....?

MDM T: There comes a time to say enough is enough.

PARIS: But it's reported that you've been elected leader for life?

MDM T: If the people gave me their mandate.

Sir, do you think I'm stupid enough to believe that you are my bodyguard. I have never employed non-patriots. You are with the European forces!

BONN: She's not so crazy afterall ...

MDM T: Who then are you? Your real names?

BONN: That doesn't matter. I am Bonn and he is Paris. What does a name mean?. Or the face to go with it? It is who we represent, and what we stand for ....

PARIS: I can't believe that this is the despicable tyrant!

MDM T: Oh, so the truth is out now. You think I'm a tyrant. Well, a man is entitled to his opinions.

PARIS: You're a blood-letting dictator!

MDM T: You forget, sir, that I was elected to high office. I did not seize it, and I did not relinquish it when others tried to seize it from me. If my actions constitute a breach of political authority, then every head of government is a dictator. Your reasoning is most unsound.

BONN: You are an autocrat. You have systematically undermined, removed, and executed all democratic opposition to your policies. You have abolished the monarchy and executed all the heirs. You have brought on a civil war and the demise of all civil government. You have destroyed the economy of an entire nation. For what?

MDM T: For treason .... Part way through the ninth session of parliament, the opposition boycotted the House. They believed there was nothing left to debate. Such small mindedness .... They disaffected the entire populace with their pettiness, spread discontent at an alarming pace. Before I had time to establish counter measures, there was a revolt. The leaders ... the leaders of the elected opposition, I may add ... I had them arrested for treason.

PARIS: You had them executed.

MDM T: The decision was taken by my Law Lords.

PARIS: On your orders!

MDM T: They had broken the laws of the land.

BONN: Madam, those laws of the land were the root of the problem. Have you ever asked yourself why the opposition deserted the chamber in the first instance.

MDM T: Sir, they were bad leaders. They were losing the support of their own followers. I urged my chief whip to persuade the wisest of them to join my government ... I relished a united state, but the rot .....

PARIS: The root of the rot was your evil ....

MDM T: Come, come, man, this is no church lecture. I was implementing the policies that the people had elected me to carry through.

PARIS: You were passing new laws on a daily basis. You ran out of manifesto policies to implement after the second election. You made them up as you went along.

MDM T: We were efficient. Events moved faster than attitudes.

BONN: Didn't you realise that you were destabilising the entire infra-structure of government by these changes.

MDM T: My policies were sound.

PARIS: They were harsh and despotic.

BONN: Breach of human rights and liberties?

PARIS: Imprisonment without trial?

BONN: Restriction of citizen movement within the country?

PARIS: Public executions? Did you need to go that far?

MDM T: I was protecting our democracy. It is the keystone of our national identity. Terrorists without, and bombers within. Planes falling out of the sky. Grand buildings crashing to earth. Killings. Maimings. It had to be stamped out. If I had been better informed of the attack on democracy when I came to office, then I would have striven to annihilate all of those monsters in my first year. I was too lenient ... thus the resulting chaos. Do you think this nightmare was born from imagination. It existed long before I came to govern.

The world is full of piranha, my friends. I came to power on the strength of my law and order programme and I was elected to rid the nation of these piranha.

What use was a monarch? What use were the Lords.

I was for the people, sirs, I was their servant. I was the voice of the Quiet Revolution. They had faith in me, and I had faith in them.

There was a revolt by the workers after the second election. The revolt was put down, but the industries were finished. I had them closed for fear of further revolts.

The workers were hungry for power. I had to destroy their power bases. They controlled the economy. So, to make the country free of the workers, I sold all the nationals to the people.

That is how democracy should be. People before workers. Not everyone can work, but everybody belongs to the people.

[BONN PRODUCES A EUROPEAN BANNER]

PARIS: But you took away the right to vote for all non tax-payers, those on benefits, those in unions, and anyone who did not own their own house.

MDM T: People abused their own rights. A person must contribute to a society if he is to have a say in it. Non-payment of taxes is an imprisonable offence. No criminal in any country has the right to vote.

BONN: Madam, you incense me ...!

[BONN RIPS DOWN THE NATIONAL FLAG HANGING IN THE BUNKER AND BEGINS TO RAISE THE EUROPEAN BANNER]

MDM T: My friend, your impatience really enrages me. Who are you? What right have you to meddle in our internal affairs? There's many a dead patriot who would rise out of his grave to spit on you. You are an invader armed with new laws, and now you are about to ask me to capitulate. I shall not! I will not be paraded before your cameras. No patriot would ever agree to that.

PARIS: Don't get all nationalistic with us. You've wiped out half the population with your Quiet Revolution. There is no nation left. Only refugees scattered across Europe, and a country destroyed. One hundred thousand square miles of nothing. There is no government, no armed forces, no police force. There are only hungry people laying down their weapons at the feet of our soldiers. We are all Europeans now.

MDM T: But I live.

BONN: The head may twitch, but the body is dead. All that remains to do is to sever the head and show it to the world as a warning.

MDM T: You have no idea of what you are saying.

I am Madam T!

I am the mother .........

PARIS: [ASIDE] She is mad ... she thinks she's Boadicea. Let me finish her now.

BONN: No. She must be tried. She must be made to live so that she may see the atrocities she has committed..

PARIS: She will never see ...

MDM T: I see more than you think, gentlemen. I will outlive you all. Do you think that anyone will be interested in knowing what you think? Did you know that Wellington's greatest bugbear was? He was the man who beat Napoleon, but he was not Napoleon.

Sirs, you will never know what it is to be a great statesman, to have global interests, to be a winner. But this will be your greatest moment in history. Your fame rests in my actions. If you were to kill me now, you would be murderers for eternity. If you are to bring me into the day, then all the world will see me as a crippled old woman who says that Madam T is dead.

PARIS: [EMPHATIC] You are Madam T.

MDM T: No-one has seen her for three years, gentlemen. No interviews, no broadcasts, no announcements.

PARIS: Someone has seen you.

MDM T: They are all dead ....

BONN: This is nonsense. Paris, get some men to bring in Quincy and the two servants.

MDM T: The despicable snakes! Halt there! I can do away with myself in an instant. Nothing in the world will keep me alive long enough to get me out of this bunker unless I will it. You just sit down, son ... and wait until I tell you what the scenario will be.

PARIS: She's dictating to us. Do something.

MDM T: He's smarter than you. He has that look in his eye that I've seen in ambitious men. A hundred, no, maybe just a score. Perhaps I even see the glimmer of greatness about him. Perhaps it is the light. Would you say it was the light?

[BONN IS EXPRESSIONLESS]

PARIS: I don't believe this. We are her captors.

MDM T: When you are in a cage with a lion, who is the one captured? This is destiny, boy. Why panic, everything is going to work out just fine for the three of us.

PARIS: [TO BONN] I want to kill her now!

BONN: I have a paper for you to sign.

MDM T: Ah ... your ticket to glory. And what is yours, Paris? My head?

BONN: I wouldn't push him. He's hot tempered.

MDM T: [MOCKINGLY] But he is the one who supports me. Help me over to bed. Now.

[PARIS CONTAINS HIS ANGER]

BONN: I'm sorry, but I can't allow him to do that.

MDM T: But what better ending. A pathetic old woman on crutches? Who would believe it?

PARIS: I've had enough.

[PARIS PULLS OUT A KNIFE. BONN PREVENTS PARIS FROM STABBING MADAM T. THEY FIGHT. THE KNIFE FLIES FREE. BONN, ON TOP OF PARIS, HEATEDLY HISSES INTO HIS EAR]

MDM T: I'm waiting gentlemen .....

[BONN LETS GO OF PARIS AND RISES. HE GRABS MADAM T AND STRIKES HER]]

BONN: Sign this ...

MDM T: You do not need that ....

Anyone can forge my signature.

Do you honestly believe that I personally signed a single death warrant.

[TAKES THE OFFERED PEN AND WRITES IN THE AIR M ..A ..D ..A ..M .....]

PARIS: She's playing with us ....

[TAKES HER BY THE THROAT]

BONN: Sign this, you old hag!

MDM T: I thought you were gentlemen.

PARIS: [GRABBING BONN ASIDE] What are we doing? Look at us. She's reduced us to animals.

MDM T: Did you really think that you could come in here and expect to play to your rules, or to your's. It is a three way game. We are all rivals for the same prize .... my life, and the ending of it. Who will be responsible for my death? Who will be the one to declare my death? And which one of you will take my place?

Questions, gentlemen, and I would like your answers.

PARIS: [PICKING UP KNIFE] I'll have her life.

BONN: [WAVING PAPER] I'll announce the death.

[PARIS AND BONN FACE ONE ANOTHER]

MDM T: And who will replace me?

BONN: What is there to replace?

MDM T: [STILL MOCKING] The responsibilities .....

PARIS: What responsibilities?

MDM T: The treason, the revolts, the war ....

PARIS: That's all over.

MDM T: Is it? So you have been elected by the people?

BONN: There will be elections soon enough for the European Council.

MDM T: [CONTEMPTUOUS] What sort of government will that be?

PARIS: One of liberty and equality.

BONN: I see it more federally, an alliance ....

MDM T: Very foreign ideas, sirs .....

BONN: European ideas .... but you needn't worry about it.

MDM T: But I do, and I will will myself to live until it is resolved.

PARIS: [ASIDE] She's crazed.

BONN: She'll take no further part in decision making.

PARIS: What now?

BONN: The moment has come. Now's the time to do it.

PARIS: I'm willing.

BONN: You haven't lost your nerve?

PARIS: Look at her. That's Madam T.

BONN: The murderess, the butcher. Let's be done with her!

PARIS: I'll have her blood on my hands. I'll be known as the man who slit the throat of Madam T. I'll have my part in history.

[PARIS APPROACHES MADAM T]

MDM T: Well, I see you have established which of you is Macbeth.

PARIS: Sign that paper for her! Scrawl her name on that capitulation.

MDM T: You cowards.

BONN: Cowards live to turn avengers. We are the servants of the ghosts who haunt the cathedral. We represent all the nightmares that scream in the prisons. We are the nominees of the army of dead that files past in limbo. Yes, this is our moment in history. We are about to bind our three names together forever, for we are the appointed executioners. We denounce you on three accounts. One ....

PARIS: Guilty of the highest treason!

Execution without trial of the monarch, the royal heirs, and the entire elected government.

BONN: Two ....

PARIS: Guilty of the highest treason! Execution without trial of common citizens.

BONN: Three ....

PARIS: Guilty of the highest treason! Execution without trial of a nation.

BONN: Sentence ....

PARIS: Execution without trial!

BONN: Pleas for stay of execution?

PARIS: None. Sentence to be carried forthwith.

[BOTH ARE NOW STANDING OVER MADAM T, KNIVES RAISED]

BONN: Any last words?

[MADAM T STRUGGLES]

[THEY THROW AWAY THEIR KNIVES AND GRAB HER]

PARIS: [SHOUTS] The Pretender is alive! She's alive!

[THEY DRAG HER OUT OF THE BED]

BONN: [SHOUTING] She lives! Madam T lives!

[EXIT PARIS, BONN AND MADAM T]

[END OF ACT THREE]

ACT IV The Persecuting Chamber

[MADAM T IS DRESSED IN A BLOODSTAINED ONE PIECE SMOCK. SHE IS MORE DEAD THAN ALIVE. SHE IS BOUND BY ROPES]

VOICE: [OFF STAGE] Attention! Attention!

[ENTER COMRADE NORTH AND SISTER BROWN]

NORTH: [SUMMING UP] Elected to power, the Pretender abused the said position to remain in power by means of murder, treason, and war. By illegal and barbarous means, she removed all legitimate authority. In tote, she ruled by fear and terror, to the extent that the people, in order to guarantee the survival of the nation and their children, rebelled against her evil in an attempt to overthrow her. In the violent struggle that ensued, half the nation perished, and the country fell under foreign martial law. The tyrant still lives.

BROWN: We also live ... and learn. It is impossible to list the atrocities of this .... thing. We are here to meet out punishment, but will the taking of one more life bring back the millions murdered? Look at this creature, this pathetic specimen of humanity. If it were a man, I would not hesitate to draw a pistol and shoot him through the head.

No man is above the law, but this was a woman, the first of a new breed of leaders we put our faith in. I will admit that I was amongst the majority of our nation who cast their vote for her in that first election which brought her to power. We needed law and order, we needed to restructure the economy to become a more prosperous nation. But four years later as Protector, when she closed the factories, sold the nationals, and began imprisoning people without trial, I spoke out. I was imprisoned. For what reason? State security? I never found out, and had I not escaped and exiled myself in Canada, then .....

NORTH: The better off could flee .... But the matter in hand is this. Are we to judge this witch, burn her at the stake and turn her into some Saint Joan? No, these ancient methods have no place in our modern world. Hanging is too good for her, and firing squad is too quick. There is garrotting, there is electrocution, there is beheading. How can we make the nations of the earth know that we are not all barbarians like her. Our empire was dead, but our culture lived, we were the envy of lesser nations.

Not so now. We are an occupied country and our treasure troves have been shipped off to pay for the rebuilding of our country.

BROWN: The Europeans have turned her over to us, but what are we to do now that we have her?

NORTH: In camera we could not come to a decision. [TO AUDIENCE] So we put it to you. Are there any who advocate a sentence less than death?

BROWN: Speak now. After this there will be no further chance to influence the verdict.

[A MAN IN THE AUDIENCE STANDS]

Yes? You there!

MAN: I demand death.

NORTH: By what means?

ANOTHER: Beheaded ... and her head stuck on the railings of Bridge.

NORTH: [TO MADAM T] What is your answer to that, glorious Mother?

BROWN: She hasn't spoken since her arrival. What's the matter with the woman?

NORTH: Her tongue's been cut out.

BROWN: My god! What's happening to us!

NORTH: We've lived under the influence of this tyrant all these years while you've been in Canada. We've grown tired of her double talking. Talk. Talk. Talk. She talked her minions into murder. She talked her way out of assassinations. She talked her way out of the hands of the Europeans. And more fool them. But we'll listen no more. The serpent has no fork with which to strike. She'll poison us no longer.

BROWN: [HALF ASIDE] This is madness. We're supposed to be the civil authority governing this country. If the European Council heard of the mutilation, they'd hang us all.

NORTH: They wouldn't dare. Who's going to tell them anyway? Not her, eh?

BROWN: She can still write.

NORTH: Who's going to carry a letter for her?

Anyway, she can't. That's been taken care of.

BROWN: How?

NORTH: She can't write.

BROWN: Why not?

NORTH: Her hands have been cut off.

BROWN: Did you order this mutilation!

NORTH: It was an accident. My men lost the keys to the shackles.

BROWN: What else have you done to her?

NORTH: What do you mean 'done to her'? I haven't done a thing.

BROWN: This was done on your orders.

NORTH: I don't give orders. People have minds of their own. I don't condone what they've done to the witch, but look what she's done to millions of others. There's not a man or a woman in this country who has not lost someone because of her. They hate her. Give her to the people and she'd be quartered, disembowelled and fed to the rats.

BROWN: Then we must save her from that.

NORTH: We owe her nothing. You owe her nothing. She had your husband executed, remember?

BROWN: The killing has got to stop.

NORTH: And so it shall soon enough.

BROWN: It's got to stop now?

NORTH: Now? We've lived with this now of yours for thirteen years. While you were eating turkey and writing your manifesto in the homes of wealthy idealistic expatriate Canadians, we were in the front line of the struggle avoiding execution and starvation. We've fought a dozen years and one for civil liberty and freedom. And what have we won? Occupation, poverty, and nightmares.

Inside here [INDICATES HIS HEAD] I'm haunted by voices. And there, there is the cause of nightmares, the monster who conjured up the idea of the individual state, the nation centred on the needs of the individual. Madam T and the Quiet Revolution. Oh I see the need in having socialism for the masses and capitalism for the individual, but wipe out socialism, and you wipe out the masses ....... Well, she managed to do that, and she put nothing in its place. Maybe I got it wrong ... a bundle of sticks bound together is not unbreakable, for she cut the bindings of the state, and broke every last twig. Now it's our turn to break her.

BROWN: Why break the last strand. Let's measure ourselves against it.

NORTH: We are! Here is the last straw, the immortal Madam T. Yes, she has assured herself a place in the annals of Man. But what use is this to her now? Is that blood stained figure the despot whose very name made us cower in our foxholes? Is this the woman who took away our freedom and made the cowards flee.

[SUGGESTS BROWN]

How could one mortal do all that she has done? What has happened to all those who once supported her, voted for her, even loved her? Why does everyone now confess to have been against her? Against what? Individuals?

[SOFTER]

Individuals? Without knowing it, we were all enemies in the new individual state. There were no state enemies, they were all eliminated until the state was eliminated. Oh God .... divide and rule is the oldest political doctrine of them all. The snake divided us and then eliminated us from Eden. She didn't have to deal with committees, pressure group, or unions, all organised opposition was smashed. She crushed us all with her iron fist.

Well, Prosecutor, Protector and Pretender, you have no fists now ... this is justice at work.

BROWN: But to cut out her tongue?

NORTH: It was to save the ears of our children. Her philosophies are filth. How can any child be educated to value money and property above love and friendship. All children know in their hearts that money and property are evils. Do we want our children to be like her? We are individuals, but we cannot live alone. Poets may live in remote valleys, misfits on wind-swept islands, but you ... and me, and most of mankind must live wall to wall.

We are one great state, and we must put love and friendship above money and property. We come into this world with no material wealth and depart it in the same condition. We enter the world with a spirit, and we take it with us when we exit. If we cannot depart with our spirits intact, then there is no future to existence.

BROWN: You're looking too deep, brother ....

NORTH: I'm looking into the soul of this devil, sister. We cannot let her leave this world as she is.

BROWN: What then do we do with her?

NORTH: How was life in exile?

BROWN: Life without life. For nine years I craved to be here. It would have been less torturous to have spent those years in some dark prison just to hear the morning call of a blackbird.

Exile is worse than death ......

[SISTER BROWN GRASPS THE SOLUTION COMRADE NORTH IS SUGGESTING]

But where can we send her?

NORTH:: The South Atlantic colonies?

BROWN: Of course. She'd never escape. And besides, it gives the Europeans a reason to hold on to the islands for us.

NORTH: We don't have any other legitimate claim.

BROWN: Who's going to look after her?

NORTH: We have Quincy, remember? That quisling can spend his last days looking after his mistress. And there's the two servants.

BROWN: Is there accommodation for them?

NORTH: The details are not important to us. Let the Europeans worry about such trivia. Announce the sentence.

BROWN: [ANNOUNCES] Pretender.

You have been tried by this people's council for the crimes you have committed against this nation. The sentence of this council is that you are to be exiled to one of our territories in the South Atlantic where you are to remain for the rest of your natural life.

May God spare you.

NORTH: Remove the prisoner!

[EXIT COMRADE NORTH AND SISTER BROWN]

[MADAM T IS REMOVED. EXIT]

VOICE: [OFF STAGE] Madam T lives!

[END OF PLAY]

NOTES:

This play was performed at the Dolphin Arts Centre, Glasgow in March 1989. Originally written in 1984 at the height of right wing British politics, after the staging of Madam T, the writer was taken off the Arts Council list and was not re-entered in the official Writers Guide until the end of Conservative rule in 1997.